I'm the sort of person who blogs. But I didn't. I spend too much time on the internet already and have 2 young boys and a new business, so I didn't really have the time for this. But it feels right now to share my experiences because there are a few life lessons that I have progressed through and feel I am on the verge of some exciting changes that are worth documenting. I hope you feel it is worth reading.
This week I have been returning to reading about and progressing my spiritual side. I don't belong to any particular church or spiritual belief system. None of them really fit to my own ideas and primarily I believe in listening to your own senses, or inner voice..using your intuition.
Buddha had wonderful wisdom, yet didn't believe in the soul. Jesus taught us some fundamental truths, and yet I don't take much from the bible. I take a lot from Eckhart Tolle.
That is, that we have a mind, a body and a soul. That our mind is useful for life, and survival..and yet we need to learn to control it and calm it when we want to remain fully present in the now, and in order to be happiest.
I have a strong sense of intuition. I can often find a mislaid object as soon as I ask it where it is.
I also take a lot from Myers Briggs personality indicators, because it does describe me rather well.
I'm an ENFJ. It means that other people's happiness is important to me. That I gain energy from talking to others, and I love to plan ahead. Having been a Project Manager for so long, I agree that I find comfort in planning. Although a lot of that has gone out of the window since my 2nd child was born. I do also need alone time - like most people. I am very passionate about most things...other than sport - probably because it's not a creative energy. I love life. I am happiest when I feel I'm really being involved in life. Travelling and playing music especially. My passion for a multitude of things means that I can easily multi task on several things and get overwhelmed once committed on those. Often I take a break from it all and then get bored and start the cycle over!
Currently I am working on 2 orders for Tiny Land. Tiny Land is my business making Sensory Play Materials for children. Like Play Dough, Rainbow Rice, Paints including all-natural face paints and stuff that fizzes and bubbles! I always get excited about these because there is so much choice, I can create something new every time. It enables me to channel that part which loves pleasing others too. Now it's not in order to satisfy a need for affirmation or approval. It's because of empathy. I know what I would like, and how I would feel and so I want others to feel the same.
Often this means if I offer to help someone in a particular way, then it means I would appreciate receiving the same at a time when I need it. But I've never been good at asking for help. I am self dependent and self determined, and I guess get a sense of pride for doing things myself. So I don't often ask. Instead I ask God/the universal energy for the help I need.
I can think deeply about some things, because I love to understand people and situations. These past 6 months I've had strong feelings towards increasing my tolerance and empathy. It brought me to become vegan.
Beyond tolerance and empathy lies a total lack of judgement, and maybe even an absence of subjectivity. For example..you ask your partner to empty the dishwasher. Twice. He/She still hasn't done it. Many people - including myself - would be frustrated or hurt. The same irksome behaviour is everywhere..drivers making mistakes etc. Yet if we had just won a million pounds, we wouldn't care about the dishwasher. It would seem so minor, and why spoil your happiness? Just empty it yourself. Our feelings are a response to our beliefs (They should have done it and didn't). If we understand their reasons why - and it meets with our approval - it removes the feeling (they were busy buying you something and ran out of time). If it doesn't meet with our approval our anger is present (they forgot). So perhaps all we need to do is change our beliefs and expectations about what people should or shouldn't do, and we needn't be upset by anyone ever again. Could you let go of this?
Could you genuinely absolve your parter, colleague, friend of the obligations you place on them, in return for your own happiness? What if you needed the help? Do you already do this? I'd be interested to hear from you.