So I normally mark my blog entry with a lesson I've learned. Either a recipe, or a life thing. I always felt that before this blog something was going to happen and so I would document it. And as I'm working through a lot of things at the moment, I don't have any answers yet. So I thought I'd just document the journey as it is.
So October last year I became vegan, which seemed huge at the time but is just part of life now. It felt - for me - as though I had evolved. Now it's not to say that I am better than anyone else, regardless of their diet. But I think I had always felt a certain amount of guilt over eating animals and taking their milk and buried it. So personally for me being vegan freed me of that unconscious guilt. I felt lighter and it was the start of moving onto higher and higher planes of consciousness.
In January I fell out with a close friend. I hadn't intended to but their intentions were to avoid a continuation of the friendship, so I let it be. Friendships always seem to change when life situations or consciousness changes. Maybe they are no longer needed. I used to be incredibly sentimental and hold onto any friendships. A sense of pride helped that too. I wanted to be someone with old friends. Someone stable and strong. (Now I know better, that we are all changing - nothing is permanent and if we were the same we wouldn't be evolving)
My sister once told me "Don't let sentimentality be your reason for holding onto friendships". I moved on from a group around October 2014 when she advised me. Once I did, I felt a huge sense of freedom which was totally unexpected.
February this year, I started reading a book that my other sister (I have FANTASTIC sisters thank God) lent me. From one of my favourite authors. It was A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I found The Power Of Now to be quite repetitive so I avoided reading this one for a while. As always when things get tough, you reach for the help offered and I started reading. My 4 year old was getting harder to manage, and I had ran out of funds and started a business and felt strained.
After reading a few nights I had an amazing revelation. It was written in the pages, it wasn't anything that came from me. I have explained it in a previous early blog entry that I realised that our thoughts were the cause of most of our misery and that all our problems could be eased or resolved by looking inwardly. In a spiritual sense for me this then made sense everything I had rejected in Christianity which was that Sin (our thoughts) separate us from God (our happiness).
I don't follow a particular religion I follow my intuition and in March my spirit guide came to me in the most amazing way. He came to me in my dreams in the form of a friend who had died. I hadn't known when he died but I was compelled to find out the date that morning. It was the same night of my dream. He had came to me many times before but without a message. Until now. He said I was on the right path and had 'found the truth'. Honestly since then everything has been placed in front of me so clearly as stepping stones that I am so grateful. These are my stepping stones:
- February I started reading Eckart Tolle in a cafe in a nearby village to me
- Eckart Tolle led me to A Course in Miracles (ACIM) via Wikipedia
- I bought it and read it in the village cafe for an hour or so a week
- My sister suggested I find an ACIM teacher and when I looked I could only find one in West Sussex..she was in that same village as the cafe I read it in!
- My youngest boy secures a place at preschool 1 day a week staring in June giving me Tuesday mornings free
- A couple of weeks ago my teacher had been a Steiner Kindergarten teacher and had a lot of experience in children she suggested PDA could be causing my son's behaviour
- My close friend suggested PDA could be causing my son's behaviour the ay before. I met her in the cafe to discuss
- During our chat, the cafe owner mentioned Steiner as a way to create new habits (do it for 21 days in a row and it becomes habit. l've been trying to learn the piano scales but didn't make the time. He too is learning his piano scales)
- Someone in this same village had set up a tribe for women and children to meet and learn ancient crafts and herbalism and I started going a few weeks ago
- I decide my available Tuesdays would be wonderful spent meditating and chanting and put it out in the ether..my ACIM leader suggests we can start one for free
- This week I learn that Steiner children play with natural materials.. just like I make in my business!
(At this point my son's behaviour was getting too much but I had no childcare to turn to)
- The Tribe leader suggests we arrange our own childcare between us to enable us to work more effectively
So that is where I am at. I want to find some freedom in my life, because I have very little income and yet don't want to join the corporate wheel again. I want my children to feel free and yet can only take them on free outdoor adventures...so am often saying No to them. I have a husband that has a business SO dependent on him that he can't take any holidays or come home before 7:30pm. I have no family to support me with childcare. I felt suffocated sometimes.
I couldn't depend on anyone so how to free myself with these limitations or restrictions? Knowing that we are still in control of our destiny no matter how hard it gets and how it seems impossible to get out of situations I told myself I CAN get out of this I just need to make it happen. The day before I found the tribe, I said to myself I WILL find a way of getting to festivals or evenings out with or without the children but still have fun and take part in workshops.
It's not just about being positive..it's feeling genuinely in control and accepting that change comes from within. Of course I couldn't go to a festival if my friend hadn't offered to help, or many other blessings that come my way. But there is abundance in the universe, we need to be open to it..not desperately clinging onto hope, but believing we can change things.
On a totally non spiritual note, we picked some lovely wild tea today in the garden. Dandelions, Chamomile, Lavender, Thyme and Herb Robert. Lovely! There are some photo's of the past couple of weeks embedded in the blog. <3